Why We Fall for Words.

Photo by John Jennings on Unsplash.

I’m an English literature student. So, it’s fair to say, I’m in love with words. Now this is fun, exciting, and lovely when it comes to engaging in books, poetry, and music. It, however, gets a little difficult when it comes to reading men. You see, I fall for words because I am obsessed with words. We tattoo words, we frame words, we live by words. Most Religions are based on a book of words. I feel things with words, I cry reading words, I can change my mind with words. I fall in love with words. I fall in love with men who use the right words. This is when the problem occurs. A man could sit in a bathtub and text me words of poetry and I’d think he’s the one. I’ll be giggling in the receiving end, thinking, oh I’ll keep this moment in the future to show off to the girlies when we’re talking about the men in our lives. He could write me 3 words on the side of some flowers and I’d think he’s the one. He could sing me a song with my name in it and I’d think he’s the one. My love of words betrays me when it comes to the one because words were always accessible to everyone.

We’re so easily swooned by a man’s words. How Bridgerton made ‘You are the bane of my existence and the object of all my desires.” and “I burn for you.” an international romantic phenomenon in words. But don’t be fooled, Anthony Bridgerton is a fictional character, written by a woman. I don’t even remember what he actually did that was truly remarkable. Kicking out someone for disrespecting the woman he loves, that should be common sense. If my friends were being belittled, I’d do the same thing. Instead, focus on how the guy acts, his mannerism, the way he treats you. Do these align with his words?

I love words so much that I can’t believe that lies could sprout from them. How something beautiful could be fed to me with so little feeling, so little passion. I forget how they can be used to hurt, shun, and completely obliterate a person’s reality. Words are one’s reality. This is where I have trouble keeping up my guard.

I have a habit of believing people, trusting their words, and seeing no space for lies. Unfortunately, liars are just good at words. So what I’ve learnt to do is look for actions that match those words. Think of it this way. Beautiful words are just like calligraphy, absolutely gorgeous and dazzling, you don’t even care that you can’t make out what half the words say. This is the same effect, especially if you’re into the guy. His words could be basic, recycled and renewed for you. Think of it like that, always. It is only true once it is put into action. I love a romance book but I know the effect of words and imagery. How this can easily translate to expectation and a sense of false reality. Do not mix romance with fictional books because if you’re not lucky, you’ll only be disappointed.

Maybe, my love language being words of affirmation was in actuality, poison in disguise. God, anyone attractive enough could easily fool me with words. It’s like a siren with its song — I lose my sanity, rationality and I am completely lost in desire. Desire for it to be true, for it to be something more, a sense of hope. Maybe that’s why they need hot people in customer service because people are not so tempted to treat them like shit. If men were dumber with words maybe then I could retract back.

The only real good use men have ever had with words were written by them. Shakespeare, Keats, Lord Byron, Rumi, all men of words. I am sick of falling into their delusional scriptures. Who even knows if they were good men to the women in their lives? I know Lord Byron was not. This could unknowingly be a form of manipulation — how they want me by convincing me, persuading me, almost grooming me into the idea of romance. I hate it and I won’t believe it any longer. No, a man will have to act like the romantic he claims to be. No more false hope, no more lies. They can’t escape accountability by a few words, no. Let them communicate it clearly, watch their actions, call them out when they’re not following their own words. After all, a man who can’t stand by his words, will not stand by yours.

I, a woman, will not fall for a man’s word until he is standing opposite me, vowing to me on our wedding day. Words of commitment, not words of hope.